As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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