dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
