Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
