All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently the secret to your success is patron
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
