She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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