i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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