it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
