You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
