When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
