i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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