its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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