am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
