This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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