oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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