all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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