oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
