I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
