You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
where does the pee come out of this thing
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
