There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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