fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
