I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She announced her abortion via fbk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
