I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
