Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
