I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
