can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
