I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
