Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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