he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
