I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
