He asked me if I "almost moaned"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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