Your tits are I can't wait for
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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