I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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