My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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