He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
