Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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