...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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