Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
