cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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