drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
