After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
