we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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