I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
