Betty ford says i'm here all night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
