i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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