Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
