there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
