Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
