Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
