I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
