She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
