this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
